Advice for newlyweds is basically some guidelines to help you be as happy as you can be in the new life that you've just started or about to start if you're still planning your wedding.
You've taken a huge step, in a lot of ways your life will be different henceforth, but different can be good, really good if you have the personal determination to make your marriage successful; and I already see you do since you're reading this article.
Keep in mind however that these tips for newlyweds are not rules they're simply suggestions based on my experiences with newly married couples and old ones too. And I'm sure if you work along with them they can help your marriage.
But there are likely to be exceptions since all relationships are not the same; what worked for one couple may not work for the other. It's your marriage, so if anyone should be making the rules it should be you and your spouse.
Though the marriage advice shared in this article is targeted to newlyweds it's also useful to long time married couples since it can help them to improve on their marriage.
Don't listen to advice from anyone: When someone is getting married especially the bride, many people tend to give her advice that will supposedly help her marriage; some do it with good intention and others don't. But good intention or not, some of these advice are biased and are likely to stress you out in your new life. For example in Nigeria some will tell the bride 'never let your husband's people live with you', 'monitor how much your husband spends on his family' and so on.
And to the groom, 'don't always give in to your wife else...', 'women need to always be shown who the boss in the house is' and so on.
Having said that, advice coming from your parents who've been successfully married for many years could be helpful.
Your spouse's family is also your responsibility: I had to mention this because it's something one of my brother's wives always said to me while I lived with them. She wouldn't let me cook and when she does she wouldn't include my share. And when I asked she'll say "my husband is my only responsibility". Likely before she got married someone had told her that she should make sure her husband's sister move out because immediately they got married she was doing everything to ensure that.
While I'd rather any family member doesn't live with a married couple especially newlyweds; sometimes there could be a good reason for it and you'll have to accommodate your spouse relations for awhile.
For example the last time I visited my sister's family I met the husband's nephew living there and when I asked my sister why, she said the owner of the house he was living suddenly sold the house and asked them to move out. Life is full of many unforeseen occurrences, when a relation of your spouse has a good reason to temporarily live with you, it's not time for you to be territorial instead be understanding and welcoming. After all, if you love your spouse, you should naturally also love those he or she loves.
When you marry you marry a family not just your spouse.
Know when to be the fool: I keep telling one of my neighbor's wives this because she seem to be the type that if her husband say abusive words to her, she must respond with more cruel words. And I'm like can't you just keep quiet when he's angry like that?
Marriage isn't a competition for headship or any other thing for that matter. When two people are boiling with anger and no one is willing to calm down and be the fool then they could do real damage to each other. Sometimes you may be even be right and you feel your spouse is unnecessarily angry, it's not time for you to also be angry especially when he or she becomes abusive.
Keeping quiet and waiting to discuss matters when your spouse is calm and saying I'm sorry even when you're not really at fault are not signs of weakness instead signs of maturity and doing that you'll be able to avoid serious quarrels.
Don't read meaning to everything learn to laugh over some things.
Make God the third party in your marriage: God is the institutor of marriage and he provided guidelines in the bible for a successful marriage. So anytime you need advice turn to the bible for answers not family and friends. See bible verses about marriage.
Keep private matters private: The success of your marriage depends on you and your spouse not anyone else. So learn to deal with your issues privately. Don't go running to your mother or friends each time there's a misunderstanding; trust me sometimes they'll aggravate the whole thing. Moreover there are some friends who are not happy in their marriage and will take the opportunity to create problems in yours.
Now you have to think Us not Me: Before you were married you likely did things when you wanted to without having to answer to anyone and enjoyed your own space without anyone to bother you. Now you're married, you have to recognize that and adjust where necessary. Don't go out without telling your spouse, don't keep late night without giving an explanation, don't be unnecessarily territorial and consider your spouse at all times.
Focus on the good things: No one has a perfect spouse trust me. My parents are one of the few long time happily married couples I know. However on their 25th anniversary my Dad admitted that their success is not because they are perfect. Every one of us have our great sides and not so great sides. It's likely you won't be satisfied with everything your spouse does, however instead of focusing on those things and gradually becoming bitter, focus on the things you do love about him or her. And if you're really bothered by something he or she is doing, then discuss it and you both should find a way that is fair to both of you to improve on it.
Make the effort to have good marital sex: There's a reason why many believe that marital sex is boring. Some couples obviously let things go once they're married especially after having children.
Sex is part of the deal that comes with being married. Although no one said you must have sex while married and you could decide not to if both of you are okay with it, however if it's something important to the two of you or one of you, then the other must make real effort to deliver.
It's normal if two people don't have the same intensity for sex. One person might be more sexually demanding than the other but instead of the other person to be turned off by it, he or she should make workable compromises. Keeping things interesting could help. Not everyone will still be interested if sex is always done traditionally. Spice things up. Don't have a fixed time for sex, instead go with the mood and carry your partner along too.
Instead of being aroused and suddenly asking your partner for sex, do things that naturally arouse him or her too; things like flirting, leaving a love note, giving surprises and so on. This will not only make sex interesting and satisfying but also makes the other person feel special.
Be open-minded to the sexual needs of your partner. And if there's a medical reason you can't give your spouse a satisfying sex, then see a doctor.
For more marital sex tips, read the following articles:
Keep communication line open: Make it a regular habit to sit and talk, talk about the little and big things, get to know each other better and build your trust for each other. Before you both go to bed discuss how your day went and don't let disagreement linger on. That's what true friends do and that's what you and your spouse should aim to be since you'll be spending the rest of your lives together.
Create memories that you can both look back on with joy many years later.
Don't lose who you are: Your spouse married you because of WHO YOU ARE. If you lose that, then admiration and respect is likely to diminish. So while you'll have to make some compromises for your marriage, make sure you don't lose who you are in the process. And that include your physical appearance and your lifestyle. If your spouse married you while you were fitted he or she likely prefers that stature so take care of your physique and do your best to remain your own person; don't get lost in your spouse's shadow.
If you kept friends before, try to still keep in touch with some of them. Make arrangement to go out with close friends once a while and have fun. If you had a job keep your job or if you're the wife create a work schedule that can allow you more time. You can become an entrepreneur. The point is, don't be nothing without your marriage. Have activities going on in your life that are just for you. You'll not only be happier but having separate things you do without your spouse gives you more to talk about and connect with. And more reason for your spouse to continue to admire and respect you.
Respect each other: Deal with each other with respect whenever there's a disagreement; fight fair. A man is the head of the house God made it so; so women ought to be submissive and men ought to be loving and know that their wives are weaker vessels as the bible said. Compliment each other regularly and show appreciation more than you complain about things. Without respect you'll end up tearing down your relationship instead of building it.
Discuss finances: Now you're married, there are more responsibilities so you can't be selfish. Adding to your needs and perhaps that of family members you support, now you have your in-laws who may come to you sometimes for financial support and you'll be starting a family soon so you both have to be wiser in the way you spend your money.
Be understanding and cooperate with your spouse in managing your resources. This is not the time to be crazy over latest gadgets. Instead both of you should come up with a way to manage your resources properly. You can decide on how much you both want to allocate to monthly expenses, emergency funds and savings for the month and how much each of you should contribute to each account. And then make sure you don't significantly exceed the amount for your monthly expenses each month. And try to stay away from debt.
Explore/Support each other's interest: You don't have to like what your spouse likes but try to support it especially if he or she is passionate about it.
For example many men are crazy about football. If you're a Nigerian you know how men who are passionate about football get when their favorite club loses a match, some become grumpy and even refuse to eat. Personally I think it's stupid; why will they be taking Panadol for someone else's headache? The players, lose or win they'd still be paid handsomely.
However it's something they are passionate about. So if that's the case with your spouse though you don't agree but don't start to run him down either especially not when his club loses a match, be supportive.
Also when you can watch the match with your spouse it's always more interesting when two or more people watches a match together. This is just an example.
You can also find things that you both enjoy doing together. Sharing interests continues to build your bond for each other and keep you connected. Also it helps make sure that you two spend time together regularly.
Take 100% responsibility for the success of your marriage. And I hope you put my advice for newlyweds to use.
Have a happy married life!
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Nigerian Weddings › Advice For Newlyweds