This is the part two on the topic of age difference in marriage. If you haven't read age differences in relationships part 1 please click to go read that first before coming back to read part 2.
Marriage age difference is a common issue, so don't miss out on anything I've said on the topic. Don't worry, as you click away this page will remain open so you can come back to it.
So assuming you've read part 1 of age gap relationships, part 2 starts below.
We hear people say all the time that "age is just a number" that what matters the most in a relationship/marriage is love. However in reality age is not only a number. Many have chosen to walk away from a very promising relationship because they couldn't take the age gap between them and their love prospect.
Personally I think people give too much relevance to age differences. And some of their reasoning doesn't even make sense.
For example sometime ago my elder sister and I were on the topic of age difference in marriage and she said she couldn't marry a man she was one day older than but she could marry a man that was one day older than her. Is there any justification to that? I wonder. Is it that knowing that she is older than the man at all will prevent her from being submissive to him?
But that's not all. She went further to add that the maximum marriage age difference she could take was 3 years. That is she couldn't marry a man more than 3 years older than her! Again what justifies that?
But how do I feel about age gap relationships, marrying someone younger than me or someone much older than me?
While I'd prefer it that a man I'd marry be older than me because that's what's expected and it's the tradition, I personally don't mind if I'm older than a man with reasonable number of years. I emphasize reasonable because a woman being older than a man with 10, 20 years is just not reasonable to me. That almost feels to me like dating a son.
However of course I can marry a man 10 to even 15 years older than me. But there are clauses attached to these two scenarios for me.
If I am older than the man, I will only be comfortable in the relationship if the age difference is only known to us. That is the man shouldn't look younger than me. It shouldn't be obvious to people when they see us that I'm older.
And if a man is much much older than me, he must not look his age. For example, I will say yes to a 50 years old man even though I'm in my very early thirties but that looks 35 or even looks 40. But a 50 years old man that looks 50 or 55 is a No for me.
Yes, appearance doesn't affect the success of a relationship directly however it does indirectly; at least for me anyway. For me it's important that I be proud of the appearance/presentation of the person I'm romantically involved with to fall in love or remain in love. If I'm not proud of his appearance then I can become easily irritated by him, become arrogant unnecessarily and that will lead to regular arguments which wouldn't help the relationship.
So age difference matters in relationships when it matters to one of the parties to be involved in the relationship because it may not seem like that, but as long as it bothers one of them, then it's likely to gradually lead to serious problems in the relationship. So it's right what one of the fans of Nigerian Weddings Guide said about the matter on our Facebook page:
I think it's a personal thing. Sometimes, people find love and happiness in the strangest of places.
Age difference in marriage is a personal matter. But it's more than that. I mean aside that even though it doesn't seem there's any justification for it everyone has a right to what they can take and can't take about a potential marriage mate, age gap can be a very good reason to turn down a relationship.
Yes it's normal that the man be older than the woman. That's the tradition. But some age difference almost sound like abomination. Imagine a 30 year old lady marrying a 70 year old man; sometimes even far younger women have married much older men. What's the reason behind these women's decision to marry men old enough to be their father and sometimes grandfather?
Often these women do this for the emotional and/or financial security. The common believe is that older men treats women better and you're more secured with them emotionally because they've been there done that. When they settle especially with a much younger lady they're ready to give them everything.
But that's just the theory. While that may be true for some of these women, I'm sure there are women who although married much older men are still dealing with insecurities emotionally and financially.
For some it may be the fatherly figure these men kind of represent. A father will protect you from everything right?
If you'll like to understand the reasons women marry much older men and the eventual realities they face, read the true stories submitted by some women who married much older men.
Age is actually just a number. It becomes a big deal when you or your potential other makes it one. I keep saying it that the most matured relationship I've ever had was with a guy I was over 3 years older than. And funny enough he was against the relationship at first because of our age difference. So we remained friendships and he started dating someone else. But he decided to give us a shot when it seemed to him that though I was older than him I seemed to be more respectful towards him than his girlfriend he was older than.
I think it's all about your mindset. If you're a woman and associate respect with age then you likely can never make it work with a man you're older than even though you love him. I believe the reason age gap doesn't often bother me is because personally I don't agree that respecting people should have anything to do with their age. Everyone deserves respect even a day old baby. If you can accept that then you'll know that a man you're in a relationship with is suddenly head over you. And when God instituted marriage and made the man the head over the woman he didn't conditioned it to age, like the man can only be the head over his wife if he's older than her. Once a man is your husband even if 20 years younger he's your head and you should submit yourself to him.
Be in subjection to one another in fear of Christ. Let wives be in subjection to their husbands as to the Lord. Because a husband is head of his wife as the Christ also is head of the congregation, he being a saviour of this body.
Ephesians 5:21-23 New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures
But marriage doesn't just happen out of the blue, it starts with a relationship, then courtship and these levels of relationships are practice for you, to prepare yourself for when you get married.
So your man is your head whether or not you're yet to be married to him. If you can't see him as that now, you can't see him as that even after being married.
And if you're like my sister and have decided that you could only marry a man older than you with a few years, keep in mind that women usually age faster than men. I remember what my mother said to my sister when she said that then, my mother told her to shut up that doesn't she know that women often age faster. That marrying a man only a few years older than you will make you look older than him in only a few years after marriage.
For a successful relationship and eventual marriage when picking a love mate what is important is whether or not you honestly love the person and then whether or not the person has the necessary maturity for your relationship. You would think that every 35 year olds will be more mature than every 25 year olds. But unfortunately that isn't the case. There are a lot of mature people age wise that aren't mature in character. And such maturity is important for the person to be able to show understanding, consideration, tolerance and know how to deal with issues when they arise in other to continue to maintain love and trust that exists between you.
Aside love and good character everything else will eventually fade. No matter how young you are now, your beauty will fade someday and so is that of the other person. And if it's for money, when you eventually have it you'll start to seek for what's really important, friendship and love between couples.
So except you're overly traditional about age difference in marriage and therefore just can't stand age gaps or you can't just be submissive to a man you're older than then there's no reason age difference should affect the success of a relationship and eventual marriage.
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