Are you a virgin bride or groom-to-be? And you need some first-time sex tips for your wedding or honeymoon night? Whether you're the bride or groom reading this and you're a virgin but your intended is not or you're not a virgin but your intended is or you both are virgins and you want to learn how to have a less awkward sex on your wedding night or even a good one, you'll find this article very helpful.
First let's get you to relax a bit...
First time sex sucks for everyone. No one can really say that the first time they had sex it was great. There's always some tension, sometimes from both parties even if it's just the woman that's a virgin. And that's because if the man is not a virgin and not worried about how to give pleasure to his newly married wife like a real man should, he is worried about hurting her while he disvirgins her. And the woman on her part is worried usually about the pain in the process and sometimes how to arouse her husband and give him pleasure too. It's usually so much tension. And that is why some sexually experienced men and women will tell you they can't date and marry a virgin.
Some time ago I asked a male friend who I knew was very experienced with sex what he would do if he happens to fall in love with a girl that was still a virgin. He told me he would give her permission to go meet someone else to disvirgin her before coming back to him. That's serious right? One even said he'll break up with her completely.
Also a female friend was criticizing me the other day when I said I would actually like it if I married a man who had never had sex before.
I doubt all these is making you feel relax. But here's the most important thing...
Though the world has gone crazy and being a virgin doesn't seem to mean anything good to many anymore, you should be proud if you're still a virgin. Here in Nigeria there are still some men who will appreciate you more for it and even women too. But more importantly it is the right thing to do morally; especially true if you're a Christian.
Sex no matter how it's viewed today was created for married people. It's a gift from God to married couples for them to enjoy themselves and procreate.
Further, God blessed them and God said to them:
Be fruitful and become many and fill the earth and subdue it.
Proverbs 5:18, 19
Let your water source prove to be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth, a lovable hind and a charming mountain goat. Let her own breasts intoxicate you at all times. With her love may you be in an ecstasy constantly.
So be proud of yourself for the moral standard you've maintained. I know it wasn't easy for you, you've probably lost one or more relationships in the past as a result, or be laughed at, and/or it's been tough abstaining from sexual activities with your fiancé or fiancée that you love so much.
But if you're reading this I guess you're planning a wedding or hope to plan one in the near future so the wait is almost over! Now let's give you some first-time sex tips for the wedding night. You're a virgin but you don't have to look it; you understand what I mean? :)
I think the tension is lesser when both mates are virgins.
When a friend of mine I knew was a virgin was planning her wedding, I tried to talk to her about the wedding night to see where her head was at on the issue and perhaps get her to prepare for it. And she said that her groom to be was also a virgin so he had nothing to compare her with. But more importantly he had no skills either so the two of them will likely be foolish together on their wedding night. And eventually after the wedding when we discussed how the night went, it seemed that was what happened. The two of them ended up not having sex for a few days after the wedding. And I think it was largely because the groom wasn't sure what to do and the bride was dead scared of the pain. She'd heard so much about how painful first-time sex was that she dreaded it.
But according to her, when she eventually relaxed about the pain and just let things work naturally it happened! And the way she said it, it didn't feel like there was much pain. Sometimes most of the pain the bride fears is just in her head. If both parties can get themselves to relax a bit, then it would be less awkward and painful for the bride too.
However here's the ultimate secret to having a much less awkward and boring first-time sex...
Talk, talk, talk about it; before your wedding and on the wedding night. Talk about what you both think and/or how you both feel about sex, your expectations if any, and how you would want your first time to be if you have some ideas and so on. There should be no shame in discussing sexual matters with your intended. It's the right thing to do even for Christian virgins. After all God also intended for couples to enjoy sex. And talking about it is a great way to ensure that. But the immediate benefit of talking about this is to relieve you both of the tension; and you figure things out quicker when you're both relaxed.
Also a groom who is anxious shouldn't be surprised if he doesn't get erection. Most of what causes erection comes from the mind. So if the mind is full of fear it will likely cause poor performance.
There's no medical complication to be expected from having sex for the first time. However sometimes there could be some bruises for both the bride and the groom. Imagine that there's a very narrow path and you have to make your way through. So the bruises are normal and over time the bride's body will expand as she continues to have sex with her husband.
In the article on the trials of a virgin groom Doctor Magezi was said to say the 'male hymen' (frenulum) may tear and bleed during the first penetration.
"It will have a little pain but will heal in a few days as sexual activity continues," he says. "After the skin is heeled, it takes a couple some time to adjust to comfortable sex.
Bride and groom-to-be should not watch porn movies with the intention of learning how to go about first-time sex. Porn movies will never teach you that except to expect the impossible from your mate. Porn actors are paid big for a reason. What you want to learn is far different from what they do. In porn it's all about sex sometimes even violent sex with ladies carrying breasts that have been bumped up and have orgasm that never seem to end. In real life things work much differently but most importantly in real life there's love. You love your spouse and you care about his or her feelings during and after sex. In porn it's very selfish sex; always having pleasure at the expense of the other person.
Certain books and/or videos can guide you on how to have a good first-time sex. However the best way to learn that is talk about it before the wedding night and during sex on the wedding night. Be relaxed. Let your attraction for each other and your love naturally move you to action. And don't judge yourself as you do that. Instead at all times let each other know of how you're feeling and how a particular touch felt. Discover each other's sensual parts.
No, the honeymoon sex likely wouldn't be unforgettable in that way, but it can be good.
Virgin sex is usually very quick especially when the man is a virgin too. And that's because men are more out of control when they are aroused; especially a man having that experience for the first time. He wouldn't know how to control himself except to jump inside the woman and release everything immediately. And there's not much to say or do to prevent that. It will be quick if both parties are virgins however patience is important. If you keep communicating sex will likely improve.
At all times during sex consider the other person's feelings especially the bride being penetrated for the first time. She is likely to feel more pain when you're rough with her. And bride consider the groom's feelings if out of fear you prevent him from having sex with you on your wedding night. You both have waited for so long, waiting one or few more days wouldn't kill you but it should be something both of you decide on; to take things slow if it will make you both more relaxed when you're ready.
To keep things neat you may want to put a towel on your bed sheet; some women bleed after a first time-sex.
When one party is experienced sexually it can make things easier or more difficult depending on how the couples go about things.
Things can be easier because there is one experienced person to calm the other down and guide him or her.
Things can be more difficult if the experienced person doesn't have some patience. He or she can become frustrated with the naivety of the other and instead of appreciating the spouse for keeping his or her virginity can become almost irritated by it. After all is the wedding night and he or she just wants to have fun.
The general advice for experienced spouses with virgin partners is to be patient, show the other a good time even if it means sacrificing your own pleasure especially for your first-time sex with them. And then teach them how to give you a good time too. If there's a particular way you'll want to touched guide their hand there. If it's someone that's not shy you'll only have to do that once and the next time they'll know where or how to touch you to arouse you or give you excitement.
A virgin bride will be tight you'll cause some injures if you don't first take the time to make her wet before penetrating her. And you may likely even get some bruises in the process. Before the wedding night you can talk to a doctor and get a recommendation for a lubricant you can use to create more moisture for friction if she still seem tight after being wet naturally. I'll like to think the older a bride gets the more difficult it will be to penetrate her.
Like I have said several times patience is important. Your bride will appreciate you more for that and vice versa.
To get your bride wet, kiss her, flirt with her, touch her in sensitive places and let her become arouse and get wet naturally.
For virgin spouses the general advice is to keep an open mind. Be willing to learn so your marital sex doesn't become boring. Remember that your partner is experienced with probably two or more sexual partners to compare you with. I've seen firsthand what the resistance of a virgin bride improving sexually over time can do to a marriage. It caused huge quarrels that almost lead to the end of the marriage in just a year into the marriage. You either be willing to learn with an experienced partner or look for a virgin bride or groom so he or she doesn't know any better.
If the bride is the experienced one, it can be intimidating for the groom after all in Nigeria a man isn't a real man if he can't show his skills in bed. So if you're the virgin groom the more important it is for you both to talk about your first-time sex on your wedding night. It's important that you both are very open with each other in this regard. What do you think about sex? Do you have any past awkward experience about it, perhaps you tried to kiss a girl once or fondle her and things didn't go as expected and that has made you somewhat afraid to try it again? Is there something you'll like to know about sex? Let your bride explain things to you. And also don't be afraid to ask her about her first time sexual experience and how she enjoys sex. Though you're a virgin you still want to be able to show who the man of the house is; in bed.
Whether you're the groom and the experienced one or the bride, don't feel intimidated to learn. It's something you've never done so don't be shy to ask. Once you can talk about it and are open to learning, sooner than later you'll know your partner's body well and you both will figure out your best sex positions and be able to have really satisfying sex.
And if you're the bride after being disvirgined on your wedding night, allow for regular sex with your husband even if you're not yet enjoying sex. This is because when you're disvirgined today and you wait until another few weeks to have sex again, your body will be very tight each time and you're likely to continue to feel pain.
Another thing is most Nigerian brides get pregnant just a month or two after marriage. If you get disvirgined and immediately get pregnant and then out of fear of harming the baby your husband stops sleeping with you, you can imagine how it will be the day you'll give birth. You will not only be very tight but you'll likely get some cut as a result to get the baby out. So be open to sex with your husband even when you get pregnant. For the most part it's safe to have sex while pregnant. If you're worried talk to your doctor he or she will be better able to advice you on that aspect.
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