I'm Confused: I Have A Boyfriend Of Good Quality But Another Guy Is Asking My Hand In Marriage

by Julian Kokolet

I have a friend and we dated for 4months now. He is of good quality, he understands me, my mood and feelings without telling him, every thing about him are straightfoward. But my problem is that another guy is coming after me and he is seriously talking about marrying me. I met him first around easter 2013 till december when he started disturbing me for marriage. Please advice me because I'm confused on what to do.

Karo's Reply (Site Admin)

Hello Julian,

I didn't get it clearly if the guy you dated for four months is now an ex or you're still together. If you're still together from what you said about the kind of person he is, losing him will be a great loss.

Why are you considering going for someone else? Perhaps he isn't yet talking about marriage and the other guy is? Or it doesn't seem like he will be ready for marriage for at least a few years and you are?

I suppose you love him. And the only reason you're considering someone else is because you're eager to get married and he's not talking about marriage yet. And this new guy comes along talking about marriage. And since you're already dreaming of getting married, that gets you a bit confused.

Well, I wouldn't just leave someone that knows me well and that I love for someone new just because he's talking about marriage. But if I've dated someone for 4 months and we seem to function well together and I'm ready for marriage, I'll want to find out what his plans are and how it involves me. Does he love me? When does he see himself settling down? Do I feel I can wait for him?

Assuming you're still with this guy but you're ready for marriage and there's no hint of a marriage proposal yet from him, talk to him. See where his head and heart is at. You need to do that and make a decision for yourself whether he's worth waiting for or you'd rather move on before you can consider someone else. When making that decision don't let the thought of the new guy influence you. You don't want to regret anything in future should the new guy turn out not to be the kind of person you expect him to.

You can also try to get to know the new guy better without promising him anything; yet. Find out the kind of person he is and whether he's someone you can build a life with should you decide to.

Here's my final thought, one woman to another.

A new relationship, especially one promising us what we seem to want most in life, marriage and a lifelong commitment, can be very enticing and create new hope for us. However, the parable, a bird in hand is worth two in the bush can very well apply. I once left a great love for another, though not necessarily for the purpose of marriage, but if it was I would have been regretting it by now because the other person turned out to be no good at all. And a relationship with him didn't last more than a few weeks when I broke up with him.

But there's the other side of things. The new guy could turn out to be the best you've had. However if something is not broken, why try to fix it. Good men don't come easily.

Bottom line is, don't leave your boyfriend for another just for the promise of a marriage. At least if you're leaving him, be sure of whom you're leaving him for so that you don't have any regrets in the future.

I can understand your confusion. It gets to a certain age for us women when getting married seem to be all we think of and all that is important. But always remember and I do always remind myself of this too, if you think the wait to find someone compatible with you that loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you is difficult, try being married to the wrong person for the rest of your life.

All the best.

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