Marriage myths are the different things that though are generally said about marriage or promoted are either completely false, just speculation or not the whole truth.
I'll be discussing a lot of these myths about marriage; some of them in this article and the rest in the part two of the article - marriage beliefs.
I've taken the time to explain these marriage beliefs in detail because some of them might just be the reason some marriages are not working. I mean if most of your actions and expectations are misguided then you're bound to have a lot of avoidable problems in your marriage or worry about things that are not true about getting married.
I hope that these explanations below can help set things straight for you and guide you toward the right path to a successful marriage.
Myth 1. Married people are happier than those unmarried
It may seem wise to think so after all the bible first said it that two good heads are better than one. So naturally getting married to someone you love, having that companionship, someone to share your joys and problems with will surely make you a happier person. However it doesn't mean that all those unmarried are not equally as happy. There are many singles who are happy just being by themselves and able to find same level of fulfillment from their friends, their jobs and the life they have.
Having said that there are of course some of these single people who would rather be married and don't feel complete and really happy because they're not.
Myth 2. Marriage makes you complete
Expecting that marriage will give you everything you want is the first step to setting yourself up for a failure. In some way marriage will make you feel complete in other ways it won't. Bottom line you should be able to feel fulfilled and happy by yourself too. Don't compromise so much for your marriage, your spouse and the kids that you lose yourself in the process and are nothing without them.
Make the effort to chase your own passions and dreams. And support that of your spouse because for the two of you to really feel complete and happy you first have to feel fulfilled and happy individually.
Myth 3. Get married and live happily ever after!
I remember not too long ago I met my sister watching one of those fairy tale cartoon movies with her kids and I was quick to tell the kids that in reality things work differently. And it actually does. Unlike in the movies in real life there's no fairy god mother to look out for you and magically make sure that you're always happy.
In reality there could be disappointments, struggles, un-approving in-laws to deal with, health issues, financial challenges, stubborn children, extramarital affair etc.
Some of these if not all will challenge the love between a couple and sometimes even affect the bond. It takes maturity, honest love for one another, respect, communication among a couple, and a commitment to a marriage to overcome each challenges a couple will be faced with in a marriage and build a happy home.
Myth 4. Marriage will end your loneliness
There are many cases to prove that this is not always the case for married couples as there are some couples though married still feel very lonely.
Loneliness in marriage can be caused by different things.
Sometimes a spouse who keeps a very hectic job schedule that almost leaves no room for his or her partner. There's hardly any time to see each other not to talk of having a real talk. And when the spouse gets home he or she is so tired that they'd rather just go to bed.
Sometimes it's the birth of a child especially the first child and then mummy no longer has much time for daddy and as a result sometimes daddy can't help but feel left out, abandoned and uncared for.
Sometimes it's caused when one spouse starts to have extra marital affair, interests in his or her spouse starts to dwindled, nothing he or she does is ever good enough, communication starts to wane.
Myth 5. You won't have major problems in marriage if you truly love each other
It's not that you won't have major problems. It should be that your love for each other will be strong enough to see you through these problems.
But there's more to it than just loving each other. Many spouses who abuse their wives for example will claim they love them and maybe they do. But what is love really? You'd expect that love would naturally come with respect and consideration. And if that's the case men who abuse their wives don't truly love their wives.
However the lack of maturity to handle serious issues can make a loving spouse neglect respect and consideration for the wife's feelings.
Myth 6. When s/he is married s/he will change
If there's a character a person you love exhibits that you can't tolerate walk away while you can. Don't marry the person with the expectation that he or she will change.
While it's possible for a person to change, it's not something you can count on. I'd expect that the higher percentage never change. If a guy was never faithful to you while in a relationship and even courtship with you don't expect him to miraculously drop the habit after marriage. And I always say it that if a man hits you once he's likely to do it again. Some of the men who hit women sometimes didn't display the violence trait when they courted their wives. But if a boyfriend hits you now, trust me he'd do more when you're married. See signs of an abusive relationship.
It's better to be on the safe side by believing that people never change even when we know there's likely a few exceptions.
Myth 7. Love conquers all
Let me put this straight...
Except in soap operas it does. In real life things work a bit differently and love doesn't always conquer all. People are not as sacrificing, as compromising, as trusting and even as loving. Sometimes you just have to face facts. For example if there are strong reasons why you and someone you love should not marry then it may be better to make that sacrifice now by letting go than having to pay dearly for it in the future because both of you refused to let go believing that your love will conquer every obstacle. There are some obstacles love can not conquer I'm sorry.
This brings to mind something a friend told me some time ago. She had a genotype AS and was in love with someone who also had the genotype AS. And when they realized it they dared to think that they could remain together at worse they won't have children. I'm glad my friend realized the danger in that in time because the guy can say that now, how about in the future when pressures are mounted on him to have children? Worse what if you both later regret the decision not to have children?
Myth 8. Sex is more satisfying when you're not married than when you're married
Marriage sex cannot be boring if it isn't boring when you're unmarried. If anything marriage should improve on your sexual satisfaction. I don't know about you but I believe being married gives a deeper meaning to sex. Sex was made for married couples after all. However I am not judging. But think about it, the feeling of commitment, freedom and of satisfaction a marriage brings alone is enough for both parties to want to give the best of themselves sexually to their partners.
In any case good communication during and after sex is really the secret to a satisfying sexual life. When you're unmarried you can fake orgasm to impress or for whatever reason. But when you're married if you fake it's to your detriment because unless you let your partner know what works for you best you'll continue to fake orgasm perhaps for the rest of your life.
For tips on sexual satisfaction in marriage read the article on hot honeymoon night.
Myth 9. After you get married you'll get tired of sex eventually
Ha, by now I'm really tired of hearing this because almost every time I try to dream with married friends about how satisfying it will be to get married especially romantically and sexually I'm quickly shut down by the saying that "ha, you will get tired of it just wait and see".
I refuse to believe it. Moreover people misunderstand me each time I talk like that because they feel every time I am referring to sex between a couple. And that's not the case. Sometimes it's just about the companionship, holding of hands as you take a walk, the cuddling and then the sex.
I don't see why a couple will get tired of sex. However I get why people believe this will be the case.
In a relationship you have no other responsibility except to your other. However in marriage things will be different. There will be work, kids and household chores to take your time. And often times when you're done with all you have to do you, the woman, is so exhausted that love making is the last on your mind. This can also apply to husbands who work really late.
However in marriage balancing at all times is the key. There should be time for everything. Moreover you can delegate to free up some time for you.
But aside that sex doesn't really take much time or does it? :)
The point I'm trying to make is don't always plan for sex. Instead steal every moment you can. That you don't plan for it could even spice up your sexually life, give you both room to try new things.
A husband comes home late? No problem. How about surprising him in the bathroom while he's having his bath before bed? Start by helping him scrub his back and let your hands move freely! Trust me tiredness stands no chance of depriving you of what you want that night.
A wife always complains of being too tired? How about asking her how you can help out to create sometime for her? Couples who work together in the house by sharing the household chores are likely to be closer; it grows their bond, give them more room for communication but especially frees up time for them to enjoy each other.
Myth 10. Marriage puts a woman at greater risk of domestic violence
I see the reasoning in this marriage myth. In relationship men are likely to be more careful with their women for fear that they'll break up with them and never take them back. But after marriage they tend to be more relaxed to be themselves. After all you're now their wife. And divorce is not as easy to decide on as breaking up a relationship.
However there's another side to having married a woman and being a man's wife that can actually make the opposite true.
A wife especially in the Nigerian society has more regard from a man than a girlfriend. For example someone posted a photo of his mother and only sister on his Facebook profile and added "the most important women in my life". And someone asked him "what about the one that has or will steal your heart?" He answered..."Until she becomes family she isn't included."
Meaning a man is more likely to beat his girlfriend than his wife because he has married her in presence of God and their family and friends creating a deeper connection and commitment to the woman and of course he knows he also has her family to answer to.
However these are just speculations because nothing is proven. That some married men who never hit their women before being married now does doesn't mean most men will. And that some men can hit a girlfriend and never dare hit a wife doesn't also mean that's the case with most men.
The truth is when it comes to violence against women from men it's a matter of personal principle and character for the men. There are men that no matter what a woman does they'd rather die ten times over than hit a woman whether in a relationship or marriage. And for some men push them enough and they will regardless. And for the others they usually have no problem hitting a woman regardless. They think a man must put a woman in her place at all times and show who's the man of the house and usually they do this by beating the woman.
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