My Boyfriend Says He Loves Me But Also Loves Another Girl

by Victoria
(Rivers State)

I am a girl of 26 years, dating a guy of 30 years, who I really care about although his attitude at times makes me wanna withdraw from him. He was in a relationship before I met him, and then he claimed the girl was not serious about him, that they haven't seen each other for a long time and that the relationship is not working.

We started dating and things was just fine until a couple of months back when he called me to tell me that he is confused about his love life and I should understand that he is in another relationship and can't leave any of Us. He said the other girl became serious all of a sudden and that I'm also serious.

The bottom line is that he called me to tell me I'm not guaranteed a future with him. He said he might end up with anyone of us, he likes me and wouldn't want to hurt me and same applies to the other girl. In short, I'm confused too, am still dating this guy and loving him more by the day, it's really hard for me to leave him even when I know am a back-up plan.

Please what should I do?

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Feb 16, 2016
my boyfriend says he loves me but also loves another woman NEW
by: Anonymous

i have the same problem but mine idont know what to do my 6year boyfriend says he loves me and this othergirl and the other girl the have been in relationship for 12 years and now he says his heart is no more place for her and on my side someone from religious team proposed to me and i told him that they are waiting for me to answer so he says he says he want to marry me he even told my mom but he is not saying when am so confused what to do.

Oct 21, 2015
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Jun 30, 2015
I'm in this same situation NEW
by: Angie

So I'm pregnant by my boyfriend whom I've known since I was 15 years old. We only been dating about 8 months. Before pregnant I use to be addicted to Herion and he left not taking our relationship seriously,and when doing so slept with my girlfriend and moved in as a roommate (separate rooms) I went to treatment for an 8 day detox and he mentioned to me that he had relations with my friend. I was broken learning all of this we quit talking. A few weeks as I was entering a 28 day treatment facility I find out that im pregnant with his baby. He and I talked everyday from treatment he still dating her and when I finished we got together and spent some time alone, time to talk and we did end up being sexual with one another. I never asked if they were still a item it didn't matter to me. He tells my parents were going to have a family. Getting my hopes up on our future I felt pretty confadent entering my second facility (another 28) and he was there every time for visits and to pick me up for apts for the baby etc. After I get home were getting closer to one another and more in love about another month goes by and I'm not having any clue I receive a call from her telling me 1/2 lies & 1/2 truth. Once again he's wrong us both behind our backs and again I'm feeling like I'm in shock. I dont want to loose him as sick as this sounds and want my child to have a chance at life with us both, but every time he lies or cheats I loose a little something for him and I don't want to have disrespect for this man whom I love. I asked him what's going on? He tells me I'm torn....what do I do?? Mostly what can I say to him where I don't look like some stupid girl who likes this hurt cuz I don't want h out of my life, even if we can try to remain friends I need the right words, please help

May 09, 2013
True Love Is Not Selfish
by: Karo Itoje (Admin)

He has always been in love with the other girl. He was settling for you since it seemed the other girl wasn't interested in him. And now that she is he’d rather have her. He could have just broken up with you and stick with the girl however he doesn't really trust the girl to remain in the relationship, so since he actually likes you he's keeping you as a backup plan as you're a second best for him.

I can relate with your situation and I understand. Even when we don't want to, sometimes our emotions keep us in situations that degrade us. He was even bold enough to tell you your place with him isn’t guaranteed; which is a good thing and a bad thing. Good thing because it's better he told you than lie to you or try to paint the truth. And bad thing because that shows total disregard for your feelings.

You’re not alone Vicky, I've had a guy tell me some years back that he wanted to be with me and another girl to get to know both of us before deciding who among us to marry. Though I liked him but I laughed at him. That’s not a nice proposition to make to someone at all. It's one of the worse ways to show selfishness.

I know you may think he loves you but that's not really love. He's just leading you on toiling with your emotions. I mean what if he never breaks up with the girl what happens to you? And are you ready to wait around to see what happens?
You're already 26 how many more years can you spare waiting? Wouldn't you rather break up with him and keep yourself available for a real relationship that will hopefully lead you to the alter instead of sticking around and getting your prospective suitors into thinking you're taken.

When I read your submission I remembered my elder sister too was in a similar situation many years back in school. A guy she loved was in love with her, however the guy already had a relationship before gaining admission to school. But he told her he wasn't that much in love with the girl that he's just with her because he feels they've been together for so long and now he doesn't know how to break up with her.

My sister wasn't ready to put up with such situation. So she gave him an ultimatum to decide between her and the other girl. After the time she gave him pasted and he still hadn’t made up his mind she simply moved on; keeping her integrity and peace of mind. And that’s what I think you should do.

Talk with him. Tell him you're not comfortable with the situation and let him know how selfish it is. Then give him an ultimatum to choose between you and the girl. And while you do that, keep a distance between you two. See if he misses you enough to choose you within the period you gave him to make a decision.

You deserve to love and be loved back completely. You deserve a man whose heart beats for you alone. Don't let anybody or anything including your feelings make you think otherwise.

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