Are there still valid reasons to get married these days?
Marriage a union so beautiful yet so ugly; sometimes. I've heard of many horrifying stories happening in family homes, even witnessed some where the wives wished they knew better and didn't marry their spouse. Not too long ago there was an incident that happened so closed to me where a neighbor thoughtlessly bite one of his wife's fingers and cared less about his action.
When the wife told me about it I was in total shock. And their marriage was just 2 years old! At what point does a man who made the vow to loving his wife for the rest of his life, for better or worse suddenly change and start abusing her even physically?
I read every day about couples just few months/years married that are separated from their spouse and claimed irreconcilable differences as the reason. And I'm like, what? Irreconcilable differences? When do two people who appeared so in love and happy on the day of their wedding suddenly can't stand each other?
It scares me badly sometimes especially because marriage is something in my nearest future plan. So each time I read or I'm told of how a woman is being abused all because she's married and the man feels he can treat her the way he likes just because he's her husband I wonder about what awaits me because we both know that there are no guarantees in marriage. You can only do your best; be careful of who you choose as a marriage mate. But while you can detect the traits of abuse in some people and quickly back out of the relationship some are so good a pretender that you never notice it while courting. And then some frustrating situations too happens in marriage sometimes that if a man is not mature in character enough to handle can lead him to become abusive or irresponsible.
I was telling my neighbor whose husband bite that how do you do it? How do you forgive him after this? He apologizes, you forgive him and then give yourself to him again in bed? I doubt seriously if I could forgive something like that especially to be willing to kiss and make love like nothing happened just because he apologized.
But then I realized once again that marriage requires much more character and patience if you really want to see it to the end.
We know there are benefits to being marriage especially for companionship and the gift of children. But are these benefits worth the risk of being unhappy for the rest of your life? Are they good enough reasons to get married and have to endure possible emotional and/or physical abuse that is associated with most marriages these days?
Well, I say yes. Yes because there's a reason we singles want to get married aside to have a companion and to have kids, and that is because even maintaining relationship is not easy. Nothing in life is easy and there are hardly any guarantees in life. Much of what we do is based on faith. When we leave the house in the morning we have faith that we'll go back unharmed and many of us do but some of us don't. We go to work every day with the faith that it wouldn't be our last day, that our employment wouldn't be suddenly terminated.
Marriage is a bit different yes, but it requires faith too just like with most things we do. It's life, we wouldn't because of fear refuse to live it. And like I said relationship is no easier either.
Meeting someone new, not knowing their true agenda for coming into your life; are they with you to toil with you and leave? Are they trust worthy? In fact I know for a fact that some ladies who want to get married want to do so because they are tired of guys toiling with them, pretending to love them whereas they are just there to sleep with them and then leave. At least in a marriage you would have rights to demand some things such as honesty, commitment, faithfulness and welfare which you can't demand in a relationship.
Your relationship will be recognized in both families and his family would give you your respect as his wife. Therefore families can intervene should disagreements become really bad or life threatening.
I remember the conversation my in-law had with me not too long ago. It was while I was recuperating from a several Malaria I had. He was reasoning with me to settle down and reminding me of the benefits of doing that. He told me that when you're married there's always someone to talk to that it was one of the biggest benefits there is about marriage. You're no longer alone you can share everything with your spouse.
That sometimes he could be having a bad day but usually after he calls his wife and talk to her about what's happening with him there's almost always a solution and he feels good. Two good heads are better than one after all. A problem shared is always a problem half solved. And there's no better person to share your problems with than a spouse. In most cases, no matter whatever else is going on between the two of you, you can always count on a spouse to be there for you.
When you meet someone who wants to marry you and you start to court you'll realize that it will suddenly give you a level of maturity you never had. You'll start thinking of life after marriage, how you'll want it to be like, how you'll want to raise your kids and what kind of example you'll want to be for them. And you'll find yourself more willing to make necessary character adjustment you need to make for the kind of home you want to have. You find yourself working harder to be the best in what you do in other to have the admiration of your soon to be husband and future children. And you find yourself becoming more tolerance and loving if you weren't before. The prospect of marriage and marriage itself often bring out the best in people.
Most of what we read about marriage is the unhappiness and how many marriages are breaking up. So we sometimes think it's all bad but it's not. There are bad days in all marriages that's undeniable. But there are good days too. And for some marriages the good days are much more than the bad days and yours can be the same too.
Remember my neighbor that I said the husband bite her finger, if you see them sometimes together, you'll wish you had their marriage! They're happy, talking and laughing. It looks and feels so good that you could actually be jealous of them ; I know I am sometimes. But if you see them quarrel you'll think why get married if this is what you get!
I remember one day when I was talking to her about needing money and she said well, when she needs money it's another person (her husband) that will be thinking about how to get it. And we both laughed. But she was saying the truth. It wouldn't be every time of course but it's a fact that any basic needs of a woman the husband feels responsible to provide it. And that's how it should be. It's one of the benefits of being married too. You get a reliable supporter when you're married.
Like I said there will always be bad times, theirs and others get out of hand likely because of lack of mature on how to handle issues, lack of trust, bad temper, lack of understanding from both partners and wives sometimes trying to compete for headship with their husbands.
What you get in marriage is sometimes a result of what you put in.
One of the most important reasons to get married despite the unhappiness you may have seen and heard about marriages and the high rate of divorce is that you are not them. Your own will not be the same; not if you put the effort.
Choose your spouse wisely and then make a personal decision to make your marriage work. You can't always control everything but you can control most of things that will happen in your marriage. When a marriage is successful it's thanks to the couple. When it's not it's shame on the couple. You and your husband are both responsible for the success or failure of your marriage. Even though you marry someone that is unbearable your response to how he behaves can help or worsen the situation.
For example about my neighbor that I referred to before that bite his wife, he's bad tempered, lacks maturity in handling issues and hates to feel like a woman is controlling him. The wife knows this so she could be more tolerance with him. But no, she'll rather go into war of words with him. You know, when a man says something insulting and you reply with something worse than what he said to you. I asked her one day that couldn't she just keep quiet when he gets like that?
When you make the effort to understand someone and try to deal with the person around that understanding you have you'll greatly limit chances of having problems with the person. This doesn't apply to everything, like I said before you can't control everything but you can try to make sure your household is always peaceful. If your spouse wouldn't be the mature one when there's a misunderstanding then you be the mature one. But when someone is being stubborn and you choose that same time to be stubborn then there'll be a problem.
In Nigeria we often say that two people can't be mad at the same time. And just keeping quiet sometimes during heated disagreements can prevent you from saying things that will cause future damage.
For a marriage to be successful it requires high level of tolerance and always willing to compromise.
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