Should I get married? Am I ready for marriage? Is marriage for me? These questions though phrase differently all means the same thing and asked with one aim - To determine your readiness for marriage. And at the end of this article you will know for sure.
The fact that you're asking this question and/or reading this article has already demonstrated your maturity and puts you many steps ahead of many singles today.
You may just be ready to get married after all, because you've shown you realize how serious marriage is by scrutinizing yourself first before taking such big step in your life.
So it seems everyone is getting married, and marriage comes with lots of benefits so why don't you just go ahead and get married too?
Well, because if you get married when you're not sure you're ready for it, it could have devastating consequences for you. You could find yourself in a situation later where you wish you could go back in time and not get married. That's not stretching things. I've seen it happen. A situation a man once described as: "Life can be a bitch if you marry one". I know a man who would agree completely with that quote because of the situation he's currently in.
Anyway, it goes both ways. It's not all on the woman neither is it all on the man to make a marriage work. It takes two to tangle. And that's especially true when it comes to making a love relationship work. That's why whether you're ready to be married or not will be consider under two different articles. First we focus on YOU; which is the goal of this article. Then we focus on your significant other and your relationship with him/her.
To get the maximum benefit from this article be honest with yourself about who you are and what you want when reading the marriage readiness test/quiz questions.
Just like in any endeavor to succeed in marriage you must have a clear "why". So why do you want to get married? There are many reasons people get married. Some are reasonable and some are selfish. But whether yours is reasonable or selfish you must acknowledge it to determine if you are ready for marriage.
What will it take to make you feel loved, secure and happy in a relationship? Do you know for sure what your deal breakers are? What your values are?
You need to have a clear knowledge of self so that you can determine for sure what kind of person is right for you to build a life with.
Marriage is full of ups and downs. That's not news. I'm sure almost every bride getting married has heard that at least once. But the problem is, not many seem to understand the full meaning of it. Or they think somehow they can make their marriage different; it will be all rosy. But then they get married and soon realize marriage comes with so many responsibilities they are not prepared to handle.
Marriage is a give and take union. It gives you some things and takes some from you. It takes your freedom to make decisions based on your needs alone and your time to focus just on you and what you want.
To drive this home I'll apply it to myself.
I am at the moment still single. I love being single and living alone because I can work anytime I want, sleep anytime I want and wake up anytime I want. Cook only if I feel like it. I have the time to pursue as many business ideas that I like. An idea can come to me today and tomorrow I am already on it. I can leave my room untidy for as long as I want if I just don't have the time without anyone complaining about it. I can do literally anything I want. But if I get married family obligations will change all that.
You wouldn't know how valuable all that is until you give it away. I have thought of what it would mean to give it away and get married. And it scares me. However there are things that I don't have now being single that I wish to have; that marriage could give me.
So if I get married I have many things to lose. But many to gain too. So it becomes a matter of weighing the pros of getting married verses the cons. Which is higher for you? I already know which is higher for me. What about you?
No two persons can live together for a long time and not clash at some point. The successful marriages you may have seen isn't successful because the couples never disagrees but rather it's successful because of their maturity in handling disputes when they arise.
Then you have a chance of making your marriage work.
Marriage wouldn't solve all your problems. It wouldn't give you the complete fulfillment you're looking for. Of course it will fulfill you in some ways, like having someone who's committed to loving you and having kids comes with a certain kind of personal fulfillment. Moreover it's what the society expects from you too and usually it's what many of us desire too. So when you eventually achieve that it makes you feel fulfilled; to some extent.
The benefits marriage brings might be all you care about right now. But many brides have realized after getting all that they want more. They want a life of their own aside all of that. They want to be someone aside their marriage life. They want their "me" time that could be spent doing whatever they like. Some just want to be known for something more than just being a wife and a mother. While others also want the kind of personal fulfillment that comes with making their own money.
Are you the type that is just planning to get married, you know, setting a goal to get married at a certain age, or a particular year without thinking of and preparing for life after marriage. In marriage as in life nothing is predictable. You're not sure how things will go until you actually start to live it. There are events that have happened in some marriages that have even made it necessary for a woman to be her own person and make her own money while married.
I discussed this issue in detail in The Journey to Finding Mr. Right ebook. It's a book you should read to completely answer the question of am I ready to get married.
How you view marriage, positive and/or realistically or negative could affect your readiness for marriage. There seem to be more failed marriages these days than successful ones. And some are even destructive. And if you've had to live around some of them for many years you could become very pessimistic about it. And it's natural.
I've seen a lot of troubled marriage that makes the union scare me honestly.
I've heard about a husband who rapes his wife almost on a regular basis, sometimes even without her conscious to realize what he's doing.
I've heard of and seen some marriages with regular abuse from the husband.
I have heard of and seen some unfaithful spouse.
The fact that there is a chance that a man who claimed to love me very much while we court and get married and vow to protect me always can suddenly turn around to become my worst nightmare scares the hell out of me!
However I've seen successful marriages too. I was raised in one. My parents are only a few years away from 50 years in marriage. Still you can't take my mum away from my dad for more than a few days without him always bothering you with calls about his wife and when she's coming back. Aside their marriage, I've seen other happy marriages too. Couples so good with each other and can't get their hands off each other, some even after many years of marriage and with teenage kids; that I have wondered sometimes if some marriages are really made in heaven.
So where do I stand? Where do you?
Here's how I see it. There are good and bad people in the world. But does the fear of the bad people hurting us prevent us from living?
You can either let someone's mistake negatively affect the rest of your life or you can move on from it and use it as a motivation to be the exception and be happy.
Do you now think YOU should get married? Are you sure you're ready? If your answer is yes. Then the next stage is to see if you're in the right relationship for marriage commitment.
Continue reading from the article when to get married.
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Nigerian Weddings › Should I Get Married