Signs Of An Abusive Relationship - Relationship Abuse Especially as it relates to an Abusive Boyfriend

The signs of an abusive relationship? Well, they are many and often they are obvious if you allow yourself to see them for what they are. Abuse in relationship is felt both ways. Some men are being abused by women just as many women are being abused by men they are in a relationship with.

But before we go any further, let's first get clearly what is abuse and what consists abuse in relationship.

Abuse is defined as:

to treat with cruelty or violence, especially regularly or repeatedly.

"a black eye and other signs of physical abuse"
Synonyms: mistreatment, maltreatment, ill-treatment

Stop Relationship Abuse defines/explains it as:

Relationship abuse is a pattern of abusive and coercive behaviors used to maintain power and control over a former or current intimate partner. Abuse can be emotional, financial, sexual or physical and can include threats, isolation, and intimidation.

The only thing that explanation of abusive relationship left out is that relationship abuse can also be done verbally. When someone intentionally talks down his/her love partner with the aim to intimidate him or her.

Abuse especially against women is one of the common reasons of unhappy relationships

There are very rare cases were women have been said or men have said their women physically abuse them. Usually women's form of abusing the men they're in a relationship with is emotional. And it includes:

  • Threats to break off their relationship with him and/or have affair with other people.

  • Intimidation. She knows he loves her very much and never can break up with her or that he's the shy one that does't have enough self confidence and self esteem to ask girls out. That he acually counts himself lucky that she's dating him.

But men's abuse against women almost always include physical. Hitting and beating the women. And it's so common today world over that we all must play our part to fight against it. For this reason in this article I focused on women abuse. But if you're a man reading this, and you're being abused in your relationship the signs of abusive boyfriend discussed can apply to you too.

If you're a woman and you think your boyfriend/husband is abusing you pay attention to the signs discussed in this article. And take necessary action while you still can.

campaign against women domestic violence

The Truth about Abusive Relationships

When many hear of abuse and violence in relationships they immediately think of physical abuse. And yes, that's the biggest part of it but there are other forms of abuse too as I've stated above that is also damaging to the person being abused.

I'm always very sensitive when I have to talk about abuse in relationship because unfortunately I was a victim of it in my first relationship. Though from all I've heard and read about abusive relationships my experience seem like the mild version of abuse. But mild or not, now I don't put up with any form of abuse, be it verbal, physical or otherwise all in the name of love. And you shouldn't either.

I know what love is for sure and it fulfills you, lifts you and strengthens you. And that's the opposite of what you get in an abusive relationship.

Abuse in a relationship is a serious matter. Some women have lost their lives as a result. Some have become permanently disfigured. And some others have completely lost confident in themselves with their self esteem completely battered.

Recently I read the story of Tina Nash a beautiful mother of two whose boyfriend beat until she was unconscious and poked out her eyes while she was asleep. Now she's permanently blind.

signs of physical abuse - Tina Nash

And if you're a Nigerian, don't think it's limited to the western world. Abuse is very common in Nigerian love relationships too. I find an article every now and then reporting a domestic violence where serious bodily harm had been inflicted on the women.

signs of physical abuse - woman in Nigeria

I even read of a case sometime ago where the woman's husband that was a dry cleaner used very hot iron to pile off the skin on different parts of the woman's body including her two breasts. It's very sad and disheartening. That is why you must watch out for any of the signs of an abusive relationship discussed below. And act immediately when you recognize it in a love interest/partner.

Why do People Stay in Abusive Relationships

  • In my case, it was my first romantic love experience. I thought I was in love and I didn't know better. The common reason people stay in abusive relationships is that somehow they start to think they deserve the abuse they get. That it's their fault. That was how I thought. I always made an excuse for him each time he would hit me and my then girlfriends would tell me it's not right.

  • It's also the result of extreme low self-esteem that girls, ladies, women stay in abusive relationship. They think they don't deserve better. That they should be glad the person even loves them.

  • It's also fear of losing the person and being alone. What if they don't find someone else who would want them.

  • Lack of confidence in themselves and their inabilities to cope without this person. Tina Nash said are boyfriend became like a drug to her that she must take in other to feel okay.

In my case I wasn't afraid to leave him or be alone. I simply thought I was in love with him and that he loved me so much that was why he'd get jealous whenever he saw me with the opposite sex and hit me.

Why is my Boyfriend Abusive

The biggest mistake you can make is to think that it's your fault that he's abusive. A violent person lacks self-discipline. He likely doesn't know any other way to feel in control except to subdue people; including you. He may have gone through some difficult times growing up that contributed to it. But then no matter what hardship he may have gone through, there are others who have gone through the same thing that doesn't result to abuse to feel in control. So it is still his choice.

The point here is, it's his problem to deal with not yours. And don't think there's something you can do that will change him. If he wants to change, ask him to seek professional help. In the mean time, stay far away from him.

An abusive person, especially one that can inflict physical harm is a wicked heartless person. And your mistake will be trying to see what he really is differently.

When Tina Nash's boyfriend wouldn't stop attacking her (the attack went on for 12 hours) and she told him she still loved him, he said this to her according to the article on daily mail about Tina Nash's ordeal:

You're blind! You're never going to see your kids again."

Who does that except a heartless, completely unemotional and wicked person.

Signs of Abusive Boyfriend - The Occasional Abuser

As I said before there are many signs demonstrated by an abusive partner. Even the occasional abuser still sometimes gives himself off for what he truly is.

For example, my first boyfriend falls into the occasional abuser. I earlier said my case of abuse in relationship was mild. And I say it was mild because he wasn't in the habit of hitting me. I mean the hitting and sometimes beating wasn't regular. It usually came happened when he was jealous because he saw me with an opposite sex especially during late hours. I still remember the night that he slapped me so hard across my face and I actually thought I was going to go deaf. I was seeing someone off, someone that was hardly a friend. It was a bit late. And we ran into him. He slapped me on the street right there when the guy I was seeing off had left.

And when I went to see him the next day, he kept a cane waiting for me. Asked me to kneel down immediately I entered his room, which I did. Asked me to stretch my hand, like a teacher who wanted to flog his stubborn student. And I did. I guess because I was like a zombie that obeyed every of his orders without complaining he decided against flogging me that day and instead started to tell me how much he loved me and how bad he felt seeing me with someone else that late in the evening.

And my excuse for his actions?

When I told my friends the next day and they were like what? Why do you put up with that? I told them I deserved it. "Why will I be seeing a man off that late?" And it wasn't all that late.

He wasn't the type that would talk down me down; which is common with habitual abusers. His own abuse was usually the result of extreme jealousy.

But here's the sign to detect such occasional abuser. He would always say to me:

My thing is my thing.
You're mine

He said that in a way that sounded like I was his property.

And also he would say to me:

You belong to me.
I don't share.

So there are always signs displayed by an abuser if you look closely enough.

Continue reading the common signs of abusive boyfriend.

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