Cheating and the many questions surrounding it. Why do men cheat? Do men or women cheat more? Do all men cheat? And so on. With all these questions people are looking for certain answers. And for the question about why men cheat, women usually are trying to find out why would men in committed relationships and that claims to be in love with their partners cheat on them.
What could have pushed him? But especially is it they, the women's fault? Is there something they could have done to avoid it? Is there something they can do to avoid it if they suspect it? What should they do now that the man has cheated?
Cheating is among the greatest form of betrayal. It's painful, hard to forgive especially hard to forget. It destroys the trust that has likely been built over the years between couples. It's the most painful way to hurt a love partner. But knowing this why do they do it anyway? Why do men cheat in a relationship and in marriage?
Many possible reasons can be given as you'll find out as you read on. But note I said possible reasons, meaning it could be one of these reasons or none of them. The truth is sometimes men don't really need a reason to cheat. It's a matter of character. Men who cheat generally are selfish, self-centered and immature. These are the true reasons people cheat, men and women alike, they are thinking of just their needs, what and what they think they deserve and they think they should be having but lack so they rebel. You'll see that every possible reason that will be discussed soon for men cheating behind it is selfishness, self-centeredness and/or immaturity. The reasons are actually just excuses for who they really are.
Dr. Gary Neuman came closest to the reasons men cheat in his book The Truth About Cheating. I say he came closest because if you want to find out the truth about something you ask the offender; in this case the men who've cheated. For his book Gary asked 200 men who cheated why they did it. And from his research the major reasons men gave for cheating is emotional dissatisfaction, bad association (men cheating because they had a good friend who did) and because the other woman made them feel appreciated and loved.
48% of them said they cheated because they were emotionally dissatisfied, emotionally lonely. Emotional dissatisfaction can result for different reasons. Perhaps the woman doesn't appreciate the man as she should or as the man thinks she should. For the married woman perhaps as she starts to have children she didn't make the effort to show the man he remains a priority in her life. And usually when these things are happening the man is less likely to discuss it as an issue because he feels it's unmanly to ask to be paid attention or to be given a pat on the back for the efforts he puts in everyday. The few who may try to discuss it quickly shut up when the first time they try the woman doesn't seem to see any reason for their complaint from what they may have said.
77% of the men claimed they had a good friend who cheated. Perhaps the friend had good qualities, a nice guy but he was cheating anyway and he didn't get caught. And his relationship or marriage didn't seem to be affected by it.
40% claimed they met the other woman at work and they started cheating because she gave them attention, sung their praises, smiled a lot and so on. This is not surprising since men spend the half of their day at work. Now if they happen to have an interesting colleague who paid attention when the wife didn't seem to then they're likely to cheat.
These are the major reasons men cheat from the research on why do men cheat. However there are other reasons many of us are quick to point out when the issue of why do men cheat come up such as the other woman is likely more beautiful and he cheated because sex with his partner was boring. However according to the study by Gary, very few men claimed they cheated because of these reasons.
Only 8% claimed they cheated because of sexual dissatisfaction.
Only 12% who cheated thought the other woman was more attractive than their wives.
The relationship/marriage not sexually fulfilling: Sex is often a big part of a relationship and marriage. Yes, they may be few but some men do cheat because their partner's are either not allowing them to have sex with them at all, or not as much as they want to, or the sex is boring for them or they don't want to try new things with them. For example a man who likes oral sex but in a relationship or married to a woman who feels disgusted just hearing about it. And usually these men can't bring themselves to complain about it. To them it's probably easier to find someone who will give them the sexual satisfaction they need than discuss it with their partners.
Cheating as a pay back: A man cheating because he feels that's the only way he can let go or live with the fact that his girlfriend or wife cheated on him. More like he still loves her so he can't bring himself to break up with her but he can't forgive her just like that either; at least not before paying her back in her own coin.
Lack of experience with the opposite sex: Some men have never been hit on before and the first time that happens to them, they feel excited and good enough. Even when they know they are in a relationship or even married, they let themselves get carried away by the attention. But a man experienced with women will instead of feeling excited see a desperate act from a woman and likely be irritated by it.
She's no longer the woman he used to know and loved: Something changed, the way she now dresses, her weight, bad habits she's picked up and so on. Someone can overtime change from the person you fell in love with, and when that happens for some men though they may still love the woman, they may no longer long for her body as they used to and this could lead them to meet other women to find what they now lack in their woman.
No longer in love with her: For a love relationship love or at least some feelings is a big part of a great sex. When that is no longer there and perhaps for some reasons the man doesn't want to leave the woman but he is still much interested in having a good sexual life, then he'll want to replace that lost love with the excitement that comes from meeting and bedding someone new.
As an escape from personal problems: Sometimes some of the men who cheat have their own issues they refuse to admit to themselves and especially to their partners. So they find a means of escape, a third person to distract them from having to face his wives and themselves. A few even turn to prostituting, changing sexual partners regularly.
Sometimes it's about the challenge: For some cheating is not really about the sex; at least not as much as it is about the excitement and challenge from it. The secrecy and sneaking around heightens the sexual urge for them. And then the challenge; I can do it and get away with it!
Surrounded regularly by women who are sexually willing: If for some reason a man finds himself always in the midst of women with no morals that shamelessly hit on him then it will take a very mature principled man not to fall into temptation.
Men who cheat make it acceptable: Men who cheat know that cheating is not acceptable socially, so first they convince themselves there's nothing wrong with it; well not if you don't let yourself get caught, if you respect your woman's boundaries by not bringing the other woman to the house, not calling or having her call you when you're at home with your woman and so on. They use these codes to make it acceptable to them.
For me it's easy, kick him to the curb! You deserve more than that. Every faithful, loving woman does. Like I said it's a matter of character, a man that cheats is simply selfish that's it. It doesn't matter what the woman could have done or didn't do. If a man feels that he's not well treated in a relationship instead of finding someone that he thinks make him feel truly appreciated, a mature and responsible man would discuss matters with his woman first and try to make things work. And if he thinks that's not possible he would first break up with the woman before going for another woman. That's the responsible thing to do.
However to the defense of the men, it's not always easy to date or leave with some women. And it's not always that simple to break up when things are not working either even after talking about it with their partners several times especially when it's a marriage and they don't want to look like a failure; or because kids are involved and they don't want them to grow up in a broken home. So they turn to the only option available to them.
So my advice to the women is, if you don't have a cheating boyfriend or husband yet and you're depriving your man of some essential elements in a relationship, emotional satisfaction and/or sexual satisfaction know that sooner or later he will find someone else that makes him feel worthy or give him that thing that he's lacking with you. And when that happens he'll likely start to cheat on you and then you wouldn't have anyone to blame but yourself.
So try to prioritize your man's needs even when he's asking for things you don't feel comfortable with don't ignore him; instead try to compromise without necessarily losing who you are in the process.
And don't monitor your man either, if you're suspecting that he may have another woman instead of getting paranoid over that put that energy in being the best woman for him and taking your relationship or marriage to a much better place; because by doing that you can stop your man before he has the chance to cheat since most men don't sleep with their other woman immediately they meet them. They usually get to know them for more than a month.
In Gary's research on why do men cheat only 6% of cheating men said they had sex with another woman after meeting her that same day.
So when you start to see the warning signs, quickly talk with your man and find out what he thinks is not working in your relationship and make clear efforts to make things work.
And for women who already have cheating partners, I say ask yourself if you can really forgive him. If you can't then leave him; because if you can't completely forgive him then that grudge will be the beginning of you losing yourself completely. You'll become bitter, easily irritated, always angry, and so on and that could lead to hating your partner in the near future. You don't have to remain in the relationship/marriage if you think you can't cope after being betrayed like that. Even the bible allows Christian married couples to divorce on grounds of adultery.
If you're still in a relationship know that if you condone cheating now, and you marry the guy later, you'll likely have to condone it for the rest of your life because it's more likely that he will not change. And more importantly can you really trust that he will?
For men who cheat, no reason is valid for cheating because cheating above all else is an act of disrespect, cowardice and betrayal.
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